Tuesday, May 16, 2006 { 5/16/2006 11:13:00 PM }

do yr even think of wads happenin to me tis few months... i guess nobody even notice... * my mother is terribly ill... i cant help i feel so useless... * i need to study, i need to help my parents shop, i wan to go w my frens, i need to accompany my parents, i need to try n tolerate my relative n family scoldins everyday, i have to take care of my bro *im sick but i dun care.. * i felt so left out in skl *i have to take up heavy responsibility frm my parents *my sis is givin me her job of takin care the shop to me *nobody try to help me or wadeva but only some pple did *i hv to time for my frens, no time on internet, no time for myself *i may look normal/spoilt/asshole or wadeva but im tryin my best alr *nobody at home cares abt me, i hv to hide one corner n cry *when i cry nobody notice *i have lost to of my good best fren n some other good frens..

all im tryin to do is to make everybody happy n im fine... thx for the pple who help me n others... i dun mind being ignore but not my best frens... do i need tis punishments? is this really happenin or is jus a bad nightmare or wadeva? is tis wad god has plan for me? is tis my fate? i have so many question... wad am i suppose to do... THIS REALLY SUCKS!!! it is jus like i can end my life jus like tis... one important question.. should i? my parents need me, my family need me but they do not really get wad i wan... i dun really see my father everyday not even every month.. my mother is seriously ill.. she has really slim chance of living... she didn even do anythin wrong why mus she suffer... i hate to see her everyday like this, face turnin yellow, losing so much weight at once, cant even sit for half an hour, cant even enjoy herself... everyday see her like tis will u be happy? wad if yr mother is like tis... would u be happy? would u be suffering or would u be jumpin for joy... yr father is almost as skinny or even skinny than everybody in yr family...

sorry for everything!!! i dun really wan this to happen.. but if u really think tt i need to change or somethin u can come to me n tell me but pls i dun really like pple tokin behind my back n wadso eva... i really wish this is so not happening... im jus tryin to help in ways tt i can but y am i like in the wrong? nevermind... i jus wan to thank veron, maple, jer, jean, jane, rj n others... i cant really handle this by myself... really stress but will try my best la... tis sounds like an assh but u can dun read... cox i really dun noe wad to do and jus to express n tell everybody n not think another way... IM SORRY TO THE PPLE WHO I THINK TT I OFFENDED THEM? I TREAT THEM BADLY? SORRY IF I DID SOMETHIN THAT U DO NOT LIKE? i really dunno wad to do... wads the fuckin prob w me... nevermind. thx bye sorry.. dun hav to come here again cox tis may be my last post... :] P.S sorry jiayi n dels if i offended u or somethin pls tell me wad i did wrong.. sorry